- 1998: Volume 7, No. 3 Trader's Coach

Dear Coach:

I think I'm a very good trader and I never look for advice as a rule. However, I am in a situation which requires an outside perspective. My brother would like to enter the business and I don't know what to do. He is a very bright and sensitive person who has not been able to succeed at any of the many failed careers he has had in the past. My parents are convinced that if he could come in under my wing, I would help to put him on some kind of solid financial ground. Initially, I said yes, after much pressure. Now, I would like to back out of this arrangement, but because this is family, I'm feeling a lot of guilt and conflict. I even had a meeting with my minister in private to discuss the situation. He told me that the right thing to do was to help my brother. I still feel that it would be a mistake for both of us. What do you think?

Not My Brother's Keeper

Dear Not a Keeper:

If you think it's going to be a disaster, it will be. Since your brother has not been a success at anything, he's unlikely to be successful in trading, which is possibly the most difficult profession to enter. Tell your family that you've reconsidered after much debate with yourself. The bottom line is this: business is business and any successful business can only work with that in mind. Due diligence is important to any successful partnership or business and in consideration of everything, you feel this would not be good for either one of you. Remember that this is a business decision. If your family takes it personally, it's their issue and not yours. Then, stick to your guns.

Dear Coach:

I'm having trouble dealing with pressure. Whenever I feel any pressure lately, I fall apart and start to hyperventilate. I recently came through a serious accident and although I was only moderately injured, others were not so lucky. It's really affecting my trading now. Any ideas?

Accidental Trader

Dear Accidental:

You are probably suffering from post-traumatic stress as well as anxiety. You need to seek professional help. Without it, the situation could worsen. In the meantime, stop trading and take care of yourself. Surround yourself with supportive friends in an environment which feels safe and happy. Get lots of rest and find someone who can do some advanced breathing therapy with you (this is very important).

Dear Coach:

When I trade, I let my two dogs sit by my feet. I find that this calms me and keeps me very focused. I know that I trade well partly because they are there. Unfortunately, when the phone rings, they sometimes bark and the person on the other end can clearly hear them. I'm afraid that some of my clients may wonder what's going on and think that I'm running a pet shop instead of a trading business. What would you recommend?

Pet Trader

Dear Pet Trader

From one pet trader to another, but in my case, a very, very noisy Siamese-I simply explain that he's the mascot and my lucky charm and with that, I usually get pet stories. You needn't be embarrassed about your two best friends.

Dear Coach:

I have been feeling very lonely lately. For the first two years I traded, I never had the time to feel lonely. But, now the loneliness is overwhelming. When the phone rings, I'll talk to whoever is on the other end. Yesterday, I knew I was in trouble when I spent an hour talking to the saleswoman named Irene for a telephone long-distance service. Of course, she lives a thousand miles away and there was no chance of meeting her. However, I am actually considering finding out who she is and tracking her down and forgetting about trading. I know, I'm desperate.

The Lonely Guy

Dear Lonely Guy:

Consider two pet dogs like the trader above. In the meantime, it would be a good idea to hire a student or perhaps a retired person who would welcome the opportunity to work a couple of hours a day and give you the company you need. Just the hiring process alone would give you the company you need. Some people are cut out for solitude. They're often not good company anyhow. But, you're not one of them. If you don't find an outlet soon, you're going to start talking to your shoes or worse. In any case, you won't be focusing on your trading. So, stop trading until you have a life again even if it means tracking down Irene.